According to Wikipedia, “The Mushroom Kingdom (キノコ王国 Kinoko Ōkoku?) is the usual Super Mario series setting. It is a monarchy and its heir is Princess Peach.[citation needed] Its capital is Toad Town.[citation needed]. Though Princess Peach, Mario, Luigi, and Princess Daisy are human, most citizens of this area are the mushroom-like Toads.”

For those new to the Mushroom Kingdom, there are two essential things to know. First, there is money everywhere. You cannot walk 10 feet without finding a box of gold coins, it’s awesome. Second, murder is legal and encouraged. This part a lot of tourists find off-putting, which is somewhat understandable. But, in order to survive longer than a minute in this exotic empire, one must commit murder pretty much constantly. It’s an adjustment for sure, but the silver lining is that most murders take only a second—merely a bop on the head, maybe 3 or 4 if the opponent is really big, and then the corpses immediately fly out of view–no dead bodies to deal with. That’s actually a huge plus when you think about it. Anyway, let’s take a look at the top 3 must-see locales in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Forever Forest

Another amazing aspect of this kingdom is that, despite its seemingly small size, it has the most diverse climate and landscape you’ll ever see. Whether you’re looking for tropical beaches and rupturing volcanoes or snow-covered towns and evil haunted forests, the Mushroom Kingdom has it. The latter is referred to as “Forever Forest” and can be found on the eastern edge of Toad Town. Venture into this mysterious wooded area and you’ll probably be greeted by several creatures (bees, shrubs, toads) trying to murder you, but what else is new, right? Just murder them first. If you’re lucky you’ll run into Oaklie, a leaf with a beard, who is a good guy and sometimes has weed. Weirdly enough, it’s only ever night time in the forever forest, so it’s actually a great spot to keep the after party going.

Princess Peach’s Castle

Okay, okay. Nothing new here. Even those only slightly familiar with the Mushroom Kingdom know that Princess Peach’s Castle is a hot spot for visitors. But unlike equally popular monuments around the world, rarely does one find themselves alongside hordes of other tourists once they’ve reached this landmark. In fact, part of what makes this castle such an intriguing destination is that, for some goddamn reason, it’s always a pain in the ass to find. It’s pretty much guaranteed that on your first several attempts to visit, you’ll wind up at some other castle. Who the fuck knows how this happens, it just does. Even after the seventh or eighth time you’ve leapt over a dozen fire pits and committed countless murders, all you’ll most likely find is some pleb toad saying something like “sorry, wrong castle.” It’s natural to feel a little frustrated, but for the lucky travelers who persevere, they’ll be greeted by the princess herself. How dope is that?

Glitzville

You want all the sun you can get? Then you need to make Glitzville a priority on your next visit to the Mushroom Kingdom. Sitting several hundred feet ABOVE THE CLOUDS, Glitzville is a place where rain doesn’t exist. While mostly populated by Chinese immigrants, this lofted city attracts visitors from around the world, according to Gommbella‘s Tattle ability (not sure what that means). To be honest, other than the fact that Glitzville is a city floating in the sky—which, don’t get us wrong, is fucking unreal—there really isn’t a ton of stuff to do. There’s literally one hot dog stand, a juice bar, and a souvenir shop. The biggest attraction by far is the Glitz Pit, a death match arena full of world-class fighters with other-worldly powers. For as peaceful as the rest of Glitzville is, this morbid pit of despair more than makes up for it with non-stop chaos all day, everyday. Be prepared to lose several lives here.*

*Did we forget to mention that you can die more than once in the mushroom kingdom? It takes some getting used to, but it’s all part of stepping out of your comfort zone and experiencing new and exotic cultures.